Believing strongly in liberty for all and refraining from having an opinion on this topic is very challenging for me. I find my strong sense of fairness, liberty and justice for everyone is completely contingent upon very strong opinions I have formulated over the years. In my assessment that everyone should have the same opportunities and be treated equally, I find that it is all based upon my opinions, which I really experience as fact. So letting go of opinion and allowing things to be, to just Be as they are is proving to be very challenging for me. As a fighter for justice and equality throughout my lifetime, I have always believed that those of us who see injustice should take responsibility and do something about this injustice. The notion that we create our own realities and that there is no perpetrator or victim, or that inequality is not just about those who have too much not sharing with those who have too little is under total scrutiny. It’s a radical idea for me to entertain the thought that everyone creates their own reality and that we are all working from our own historical fabric and therefore responsible for our own future. Inequality or lack of justice is an inside out outside in operation. Examining this from a philosophy of duality rather than a linear model of oppression is refreshing, challenging and extremely exciting as I reexamine and redefine my DMP.
I’m all in yet overwhelmed. This has been an extremely busy week and I seem to have fallen behind in some of my social media requirements. I hope to get caught up in the next week or so in order to stay abreast of my blogging and my Twitter account. There is a lot to be done here in Vermont this time of year. It’s rainy and cold and our first snowfall is predicted for tonight. There is still a lot to do before winter. I have been prioritizing reading, writing and sitting as the most important pieces to this course. I know the social media piece is important, but it is also the point of my greatest resistance as there are just so many unknowns and I have a lot to learn still. I notice that I get impatient with myself for not being perfect and having too many distractions from this course work. Making relaxed time for all of the habits I am developing can be such a struggle despite its simplicity! I also notice that as I become more clear on who I am and what I want, I am motivated to be more active in my personal life and community. I then find time management becomes even more of an issue. So I now move on from this blog to read and sit….
This week has been an interesting one. The habits of daily reading and sitting are becoming easier to manage on a day to day basis. I am finding I look forward to the time spent reading and meditating as I make them a priority and fit them into my schedule. Sitting in meditation and stilling my body and mind does feel wonderful, yet I have recently accepted that I always have a constant yet subtle state of anxiety that cloaks me. It almost feels as though I’m wearing a cape on top of my concrete uniform. I can feel the benefit of meditation and notice my mind is calmer and my body is calmer, but I feel as if I still have two layers weighing me down. The outer one is so subtle and light that it’s almost as if it’s in my auric field. It’s like trying to sleep when there is a mosquito in the room. I can’t quite get comfortable and just let myself “go” for fear that I’ll get bitten. The next layer is a much heavier layer. It will involve work and perhaps be a messy and difficult task. And as I seek to refine my DMP, I find details and clarity often escape me. Do I not know what I want, or is naming and asking for what I want the point of resistance? It sure is hard to dream when you can’t get to sleep….
love your post. Great point about the details!
One of my passions has always been horses. A few years ago I got certified to provide equine assisted psychotherapy. This for sure is one of my passions. I can tell by the way my body smiles and vibrates. Passion +Purpose+Profession❤️. This is my second week and second blog sharing my personal experiences from the MKE. It is becoming clearer to me as I journey down the path of some self exploration and growth that goals are all good and dandy but with out the details details details it won’t happen. I have started to take my goals and actually put specific details around these goals dates, goals etc… I am learning that your subconscious Really needs to know what it is that you want. This is a work in progress internal and externally. More will be revealed.
Wowza. It appears my subby does not like learning new social media skills! One of my biggest challenges with my MKA adventure has been learning how to set up my blog and Twitter accounts. Along with lots of technical difficulties, all kinds of “big brother” fears come up as I generally avoid internet transparency at all costs. My concerns are around privacy; fear of hackers, the unknown, etc. (What if the wrong person finds out too much about me? What if they figure out my passwords?) I certainly seem to function from a fear based model of existence!
Second big observation is how much underlying anxiety I carry around with me. I am learning to watch my emotional attachments to my thoughts and it is amazing how often I attach fear to my thoughts. I am familiar with thought stopping techniques and cognitive behavioral therapy, but have never tried replacing my negative thoughts and reprogramming my subconscious to experience life from a place of faith and trust and joy. My mom was a fearful person so I learned to be afraid too. I did a lot of exciting things (white water paddling, dog sledding, extreme winter camping, etc) to prove I was brave, but never tackled that subconscious message that the shoe could drop at any minute and I would probably NOT be able to deal with the consequences.
As emotionally and technologically challenging as this course is proving to be, I feel SO blessed to be on this journey at this time in my life. I am committed to the work. The time. MYSELF.